I must say it was "awesome". The closeness of the team and the family -- the responses and questions of the cadidates, was overwhelming. The "love" was so real and heart-grabbing, you knew that the Holy Spirit was present. It made me want to go again. -- "Doc" Reynolds
MY KAIROS #21 WEEKEND
by Omer Murray
The week prior to Kairos, I was at my Wednesday night men's group. Another man in our group, a prison guard at the federal prison in downtown Los Angeles, told me of a time when he worked at a federal prison in Texas where, as the Kairos group was being led, an inmate was stabbed 37 times by 2 other inmates. The following day, I was watching a documentary of Attica prison which documented the riot where several inmates and guards were killed by gunfire. I had wanted to work Kairos since I had heard of it but was not asked because I was not ready (a story too long to tell here). I felt if God had gotten me this far, He had a plan for me and I was comfortable with whatever it would be. Bring it on.
I arrived at a church in Lompoc where I and the rest of the team met and prayed. Most of us went to the guards recreation hall to leave our gear (I packed way too much), and rode to the front gate of the maximum security unit of Lompoc Federal Penitentiary. I went to the reception area where all of the team filled out a form with our name, address, car license number (even if we didn't drive), signed it and checked many boxes affirming that we didn't have guns, drugs, narcotics, and so many other things. I had to give my eye drops and Chap Stick to the Chaplin as I couldn't even bring that in.
Chaplin Burke led us into the first of two holding areas, a space about 6 feet wide by about 20 feet long. At one end was a locked gate that led to the parking lot and on the other end was a sliding metal gate leading to another holding area of about the same size with another sliding metal gate. Beyond the second holding area was a walk of about 200 feet, up some steps to the heavy doors of the institution. Directly above us was a guard tower where, I am sure, the guards were heavily armed. I could also see towers at each end of the fence. I was told that we were only allowed to enter or leave when the guards could see both towers unobstructed by fog.
Waiting in the first cage, I noticed 3 fences 12 feet high and 20 feet apart. Each was topped with reams of closely spaced razorwire about 3 feet in diameter. The inside of the fences closest to the outside and closest to the inside had razor wire stacked 4 high and 4 long on the ground so it was a triangle shape. I was able to reach through the chainlink and touch the razorwire. It was sharp as a knife and at 6 inch intervals had sharp, pointy, spike like pieces that would slice someone to pieces if they were unlucky enough to come into contact with it. How foolish and desperate would someone have to be to risk their lives climbing through such a man-killer?
The fences and gates didn't bother me; surrendering my driver's license bothered me intensely. I drove a truck until I retired. The prison took my identity and my life; my driver's license: I was no longer me. That was my first true understanding of what it was to be a prisoner and the second was when I realized I couldn't leave an area until the guards allowed me to and the final realization came when I was in the lunch hall, needed to use a restroom, and realized I couldn't leave to use one until the doors were unlocked from outside. I don't think I want to know more about being a prisoner.
The team was escorted, after several checks of our identity by the guards, to the prison library which had been emptied and transformed by prior Kairos pilgrims; prisoners who are called the inside team. We are the outside team. They greeted us warmly.
Sometime went by and the candidates began to come in. There were faces showing great anger, fear, bewilderment, curiosity and other emotions but not happiness. Richard and Calvin (all inmates names changed), the men to whom I had written sponsorship invitation letters were introduced to me. One man was guarded and the other bitter. We talked for a long time and began to make some connections.
Eventually we grouped at tables. My (our there were 3 table leaders) table had 6 candidates and all stayed to the conclusion of the weekend. We had 2 Hispanics: Manuel, 19 or early 20's with a face free of anger or fear and Javier probably in his late 30s or 40's with eyes just slits of rage, a tight face, no smile or pretense of any and gang tattoos all over his neck and head. We had a Native American, Derrick, stoic and hard to read he surprised me. We had a black man, Leon he worried me. For the first 2 days all he did was color the shield on the front of his folder. Many, many times I wanted to ask him to pay attention to the speakers and take notes but I remembered our instructions: listen, listen, love, love glad I did. We had 2 white men: Paul, in his mid 20's and a former member of a US National team long fall due to drugs and Joe probably in his mid to late 30's and I think very handsome. These 2 were open and friendly and started the table to open up to each other and to us that very first night; some of the men much more slowly than others. Our Rector, Eric Ortega, told us it was unusual for men to be so open so soon. We got back to the rec. hall about 12:30 am and I got about 4 hours sleep as I had for several days but I was refreshed the next day.
I was scheduled to give my talk, The Church, at 3:30 pm . I didn't hear much that day as I was going over the talk in my mind. I wanted to do the best possible job. The closer I got, the more nervous I became: I was scared! Thought I was going to throw up, I was clammy and the muscles in my arms got very tight. Eric tells me we are running late and I won't give my talk till after the dinner movement. Great! Prolong my agony. Finally my time arrives. I am taken to the prayer room to be zapped by some of the inside team. I went in scared I wanted to run; something not quite possible in the circumstances I was in, I was being prayed over, I started to weep uncontrollably and suddenly peace and calm came over me that lasted throughout my talk. At one point, I opened my eye for a moment during the zapping and saw one of the prayer team prostrate in front of me in prayer and, at the same time, I was hearing a buzzing in my ear similar to a swarm of hornets I think he was praying in tongues and that is the time when I began to feel the great peace I described. I gave my talk and several team members said I did well. I don't take the credit. The following day an inside team member told me that what I said helped him. Wow!
I learned the dynamics of our table leaders today. The other two were experienced and I was the nubie. Avery was the person of knowledge who would suggest better ways to handle a situation. Jim, also a musician, would open the time after a speaker with an elaboration of the instructions and an example of what we were to accomplish. As we got going, it seemed to fall to me to ask the pilgrims a question such as, What do you think of what Jim is saying? or Do you have a similar experience? Me, the one who talks endlessly and pointlessly God does work in mysterious ways!
I went back and addressed the letters I had written. Got to bed about 2:30am and up at 5:00am
The long walk and daily surrender of my identity I'm thinking about how many times I have been told we have to surrender ourselves to God before we can become His servants so true and it seems so literal to me. Without giving away the ending, I'll tell you, I have gotten so much more than I gave. Today there were talks, meditations, skits and something new: they received our letters. Paul spoke of how much time it must have taken to do what we did. The gratitude was out of control. Andrew, from another tab, was walking around in the back. (I had to get used to the fact that the men would come and go as they pleased, even if a talk or another activity was in progress and I began to do the same when the pressure got too great or I became overwhelmed.) Andrew was beaming and grabbed me and told me he had gotten letters from women he didn't know. He talked about this new kind of love he had never heard about, This Agape Love. It's wonderful. I didn't know there was such a thing. He told me about a letter he had gotten from a woman who must have know him because she talked about his choices and decisions and love. He said, I thought her name was Granny but then I looked again and it was Ginny. My wife Ginny a blessing I can pass along. Just a coincidence that it was me he told. Yeah, sure! The men got up that might and told of their experience. Much like an Emmaus closing and there was still another day. I am emotionally drained and I expect the best is still to come.
Haven't said much about the men at our table. I must be general because of confidentiality. Leon, the man who spent the first days coloring was an on-fire Christian; going home soon to be a drug counselor. Derrick stayed but missed some of Saturday's events. He is a Jehovah's Witness and at times he shared his beliefs which aren't exactly ours. I watched him as we sang some of our songs; stress and conflict showed in his eyes. I think he was trying to make sense of what we said and our actions and what he had been taught at his church. Their beliefs force him to lose so much if he were to embrace our Jesus. I respect him enormously for staying. I think we became friends. Paul and Joe both came with the desire to change their lives and rid themselves of drugs. Paul was glad he got 7 years because it gave him time to get off the drugs. (But he told me that drugs are available in prison, as is home-made alcohol.) The Hispanics were limited in their words Javier gave a moving and impassioned talk expressing love, forgiveness and a new beginning at the closing and Paul and Joe helped them with their lifelines. Javier told one of them that he had never had a good day in his life and had been homeless all his life. I was moved and honored and blessed to be able to show love to the forgotten life's throwaways. Time was short and we never did get to discuss the lifelines but I saw all the men helping each other. Race and color were not an issue just brother-in-Christ was helping each other. So much good had happened in 3 days. Even Javier's face of hate and rage had begun to soften. Manuel was a quiet one. He was young and Javier was watching over him somewhat like a big brother so even behind that mask, there was humanity all the time. Manuel finally opened up and fully committed. He has a double burden. When his time is up he will be deported as an illegal. I expect all he knows will be foreign to Mexico . I will pray for him. I will pray for them all. Each one has a heavy burden. They will only make it with God being with them and protecting them constantly.
My last time to go in. Same surrender of self. I'm getting used to it but I don't like it. The 4 th day talk is given by one of the inside team. Powerful! Powerful! Powerful! At the chapel each of the men is given his cross after hearing, Christ is counting on you and saying, I am counting on Christ. Powerful! Powerful! Powerful! New members of the outside team are given a cross after we hear, Christ is counting on you and say, I am counting on Christ. I am given my cross. I cannot begin to describe how much it means to me. Everyone goes back downstairs where the guests are singing. I can see the emotion on the men's faces. Their testimonies bear me out. Men came in with hate leave and with love and the knowledge of Christ. 4 days and a miracle is done. 4 days in our time but probably an instant in Kairos time. God works fast when prayer is abundant.
I need to mention our food. Friday after the prison, we all came back to a church and were fed generously by some men who do this each Kairos. Each morning at the rec. hall, another group fed us a wonderful breakfast and each night at the rec. hall we were over fed by yet another group: talk about the Body of Christ and its many parts. Another wow. We also ate the prison lunch ( 10:30 am ) and prison dinner (about 3:30 or 4 pm ) OK food served in 7 day cycles. Lots of starchy foods and sugarwater drinks but also salad stuff of a limited variety and some reasonably good meats. I ate 5 meals a day. The evening meal at the rec. hall had gourmet deserts such as cheesecake covered with apple pie filling I'm bloating just thinking about it.
I hate the word awesome. It is trivialized by its overuse. My Kairos weekend was incredibly, amazingly, overwhelmingly, bodaciously awesome.